present moment

alright, so here it is. my last post of the decade. unless i decide to hop on here later and write some other shit, lol.

'09 was quite nice. event-filled, life-changing, fun (as far as i can remember), etc.

but there's something that's been bothering me a fuckload recently.

later on, i'm probably going to regret writing this following little bit. but here's the fucking deal. i'm fucking frustrated. maybe. like, really fucking frustrated. mad. and i have been for the past... who knows how long. but that's a maybe. see, i've been "stockholmed". i've followed the leader long enough, to learn that i should be more independent. because this year, i've been derailed. so right now, i really don't know. i guess i was too dependent. but look where i am now. these past few months or something like that... i've been offended and offended and offended. put to shame, embarrassed, frustrated, angry, confused, hateful. only because of that new direction the train decided to take. which led to my... derailment. fuck. "wow, thanks a lot fucker." sometimes all the emotion just bottles up inside (cliche much?) and at any second i feel like unleashing it all. but i can't, because it will destroy everything. sadly, i've really just become this condescending figure in almost every way, shape, and form. set out to offend, only under the pleasure of the self. "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em."

but honestly... fuck that. it's tough, but i gotta fucking stop getting so caught up in all that fucking bullshit. even if it's so condescending sometimes. moving on to more optimistic things... a new year is coming, a new decade is coming, and ultimately, a brighter (hopefully, lol) future is ahead of me.

ehhhh i don't have much else to say.

have a sick ass new year's celebration everyone! ;o