present moment

alright, so here it is. my last post of the decade. unless i decide to hop on here later and write some other shit, lol.

'09 was quite nice. event-filled, life-changing, fun (as far as i can remember), etc.

but there's something that's been bothering me a fuckload recently.

later on, i'm probably going to regret writing this following little bit. but here's the fucking deal. i'm fucking frustrated. maybe. like, really fucking frustrated. mad. and i have been for the past... who knows how long. but that's a maybe. see, i've been "stockholmed". i've followed the leader long enough, to learn that i should be more independent. because this year, i've been derailed. so right now, i really don't know. i guess i was too dependent. but look where i am now. these past few months or something like that... i've been offended and offended and offended. put to shame, embarrassed, frustrated, angry, confused, hateful. only because of that new direction the train decided to take. which led to my... derailment. fuck. "wow, thanks a lot fucker." sometimes all the emotion just bottles up inside (cliche much?) and at any second i feel like unleashing it all. but i can't, because it will destroy everything. sadly, i've really just become this condescending figure in almost every way, shape, and form. set out to offend, only under the pleasure of the self. "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em."

but honestly... fuck that. it's tough, but i gotta fucking stop getting so caught up in all that fucking bullshit. even if it's so condescending sometimes. moving on to more optimistic things... a new year is coming, a new decade is coming, and ultimately, a brighter (hopefully, lol) future is ahead of me.

ehhhh i don't have much else to say.

have a sick ass new year's celebration everyone! ;o

defying gravity

i'm back from a two-day date with materialism. not cool.

on a brighter note... glee songs have been stuck in my head a lot. (see title)

gl

eeeeeeeeeeee

better get 'it in your soul

kindness is their virtue and they live by it. humility is what's in their mindsets. they keep their eyes open, sighting for the helpless and the blinded. they don't care if it's a black kid or a white kid; they just offer their healing hands like the races are united. it's God that they side with, which gives me some enlightenment. in the midst of the darkness when i'm not feeling the brightest, or confident in the slightest, they support me like the cables on a high bridge. and if you can't be like this, then you gotta work towards it. inside your conscience, good and bad should not coexist. if you try to be a hybrid, that's another flight missed to paradise island.

cover your iris with your eyelids and think about why this is significant.

so who are "they"? see, i'm talkin' about my parents. they make sacrifices, so i think they know what life is. the love i get from them is timeless. and i hold it in the highest regard. cuz in the future, i hope that the goodnight kiss i give to my kid contains the daily love that i experience. and that love will help him grow to be a prince. now ain't that kind of life bliss?





UHHHHHH LOL so that's my rap/spoken word for today...

fuckin' fail



edited on jan. 20, 2010

tensions

holy shittttttt

okay i think i'm overreacting

but honestly...

holy fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

super are you

"what's up with him?"

"i really wish i knew"

fostercare

been kinda dead lately. ridiculously uninspired as of recent.
i took a break from life, and now i don't know who i am.

brother sport

i've never had so much fun while listening to a song

stars

"when i was young, i figured if i became a star
maybe they wouldn't seem as far"

graze

today i was a loser.
today i was me.

thinkin' one thing and doin' another

i'm surprised i'm still alive at this point

les mémoires

a slow procession through this week. >_>

quiet

sorry.

façade

okay so i got through most of this week... unproductively. which means shit's piling up right now. i need to straighten out all my priorities (again)... so don't mind this post.

university apps!, haircut (grad photos tuesday), multi thursday (bring guitar for monday practice...), community service hours, resume?, PHYSICS FUCKING PROJECT, kite runner comparative essay, creative writing assignment, character analysis assignment

ants

holy crap... i have a seriously busy week coming up.

monday: work on spring launcher if possible, hand in physics lab, physics quiz, come up with essay topic, read kite runner, ortho appointment at 4.
tuesday: work on spring launcher, read some kite runner, practice piano (lol)
wednesday: work on spring launcher if possible, kite runner quiz, choir practice, piano lessons
thursday: work on spring launcher if possible, haircut?, read some kite runner, church choir practice
friday: read some kite runner, church choir practice, church choir competition

and a math test sometime this week. shit mayne

waking life

"creation seems to come out of imperfection. it seems to come out of a striving and a frustration. and this is where i think language came from. it came from our desire to transcend our isolation and have some sort of connection with one another. and it had to be easy when it was just simple survival, like water -- we came up with a sound for that. or a saber-toothed tiger right behind you -- we came up with a sound for that. but when it gets really interesting is when we use that same system of symbols to communicate all the abstract and intangible things that we're experiencing. what is frustration, or what is anger? or love? when i say love, the sound comes out of my mouth, and it hits the other person's ear, travels through this byzantine conduit in their brain. through their memories of love, or lack of love. and they register what i'm saying and they say, 'yes they understand,' but how do i know they understand? because words are inert -- they're just symbols; they're dead. and so much of our experience is intangible. so much of what we perceive cannot be expressed; it's unspeakable. and yet, when we communicate with one another, and we feel that we have connected, and we think that we're understood, i think we have a feeling of almost spiritual communion. and that feeling might be transient. but i think it's what we live for."

"i had a friend once that told me the worst mistake that you can make is to think that you are alive. when really, you're asleep in life's waiting room. the trick is to combine your waking rational abilities with the infinite possibilities of your dreams. because if you can do that, you can do anything. did you ever have a job that you hated and worked real hard at? a long, hard day of work. finally you get to go home, get in bed, close your eyes and immediately you wake up and realize... that the whole day at work had been a dream. it's bad enough that you sell your waking life for minimum wage, but now they get your dreams for free."

"if the world that we are forced to accept is false, and nothing is true, then everything is possible."
"on the way to discovering what we love, we will find everything we hate. everything that blocks our path and what we desire."
"comfort will never be comfortable, for those who seek what is not on the market."
"a systematic questioning of the idea of happiness."
"we'll cut the vocal cords of every empowered speaker. we'll yank the social symbols so the looking glass will devalue society's currency."
"to confront the familiar. society is a fraud, so complete and venal, that it demands to be destroyed beyond the power of memory, to recall its existence."
"where there is fire, we will carry gasoline,"
"to interrupt the continuum of everyday experience and all the normal expectations that go with it,"
"to live as if something actually depended on one's actions,"
"to rupture the spell of the ideology of the commodified consumer society, so that our oppressed desires of a more authentic nature can come forward,"
"to demonstrate the contrast between what life presently is, and what it could be,"
"to immerse ourselves in the oblivion of actions, and know we're making it happen,"
"we'll be an intensity never-before known in everyday life, to exchange love and hate, life and death, terror and redemption, repulsions and attractions,"
"affirmation of freedom, so reckless and unqualified that it amounts to a total denial of every kind of restraint and limitation."

"we are all co-authors of this dancing exuberance, where even our inabilities are having roast. we are the authors of ourselves, co-authoring a gigantic Dostoyevsky novel starring clowns. this entire thing we're involved with, called the world, is an opportunity to exhibit how exciting alienation can be. life is a matter of a miracle that is collected over time by moments flabbergasted to be in each other's presence. the world is an exam to see if we can rise into the direct experiences. our eyesight is here as a test to see if we can see beyond it. matter is here as a test for our curiosity. doubt is here as an exam for our vitality."

"as the pattern gets more intricate and subtle, being swept along is no longer enough."

"man this must be like... parallel universe night. you know that cat that was just in here? just ran out the door? well, he comes up to the counter, you know, and i say 'what's the word, turd?' and he lays down this burrito and he kind of looks at me, kind of stares at me and says, 'i have but recently returned from the valley of the shadow of death. i'm rapturously breathing in all the odors and essences of life. i've been to the brink of total oblivion. i remember and ferment the desire to remember everything.' "

everything you do is a balloon

alright it's time to make a fucking decision. my top 3 in this specific order:

1. McMaster - Physical Sciences
2. U of T St. George - Physics
3. Waterloo - Mathematical Physics
some serious nerd shit right here

McMaster
easy, non-hectic (compared to UofT) 40-45 minute commute (via GO bus). wonderful campus, buildings are pretty close to each other, cozy atmosphere (lols). dino goes there. i know a couple of people who are currently studying there (like that really matters... lol). anything negative about the mcmaster choice? well, a lot of the major routes after 1st year are interesting, but there's not really one that i'm geared toward. yet.

UofT
man, that campus is nice. buildings are kinda far apart though. i like the location -- it's downtown, but it's not really near the busy parts of the city. as mentioned, the commute could be kinda hectic. physics? yeah, sure. the physics&philosophy specialist program sounds really cool too.

Waterloo
really great campus. buildings are close to each other. quite a long commute though. my parents don't really want me to live on res. and i don't want me to live on res either lol. mathematical physics? sounds exactly like what i wanna take in univ.

reflections in suspension

"not all jokes, folks"

moment of truth

friday was fuckin' live, although i initially didn't look forward to it. after school, i GO bussed downtown with mother dearest and dino. met up with pops @ Union GO station, then walked to the Eaton Centre and ate at Mr. Greenjeans, which was pretty damn good. dino confessed to wanting to eat there for like 7 years (since he saw the place when he was in grade 10) lols. following dinner, we headed to... *drum roll*... martin nievera + gary valenciano at massey hall, "As 1". two cute filipino singers. if i can recall correctly, i was being a little bitch and whining because i didn't really want to go to this event, and my parents randomly bought 4 tickets, so it's not like i had any other choice. at first, i wanted to chill with friends after school. but this concert was so awesome. i don't even know any of their original songs, but holy fuck do they know how to put on a great show. i could totally feel the energy in the venue (with all the wild adult filipino fans haha). although dino and i just sat there relatively quietly, i can tell that he enjoyed it, as did i. my mom was going nuts at one point haha. i guess gary v just played that one song that my mom loves. my parents are so racist though, lololol. they were like "why is the guitarist in the band white?" quite an awesome night.

and then came saturday, which was good too. skipped my morning bowling league and headed to McMaster. what a beautiful campus. it's small (in comparison to some other universities), but in my eyes, that's an advantage. all the buildings are closer to each other, and i feel at home there. it's... cozy. lol. dino was our personal campus tour guide haha. we actually lost the guy doing the chem lab tour, so dino was like "lol... i know where that is. just follow me." at this one presentation, i got the deets on the physical sciences program there, which seems extremely appealing to me, since after the first year program you can branch off into a number of different programs, including physics and chem :O. there wasn't a lot of interesting stuff to see in the chem lab (as it was), but i'm sure it's a fantastic experience when you're in there and you're actually doing a lab. the physics "lab" was alright too; it was basically a classroom with computers and contraptions to demonstrate principles of physics. some enthusiastic guy was outside of the physics rooms, and he was demonstrating some of his experimental devices lol. oh yeah, dino also took us to the planetarium. it's a very small dome-shaped room where you can sit in, with a projector in the middle of the room. so basically, you can see the shit on the dome-ceiling. which is so fucking cool because the prof put on full 3D images of space. and he panned the image and rotated it... so friggin' trippy lol. but yeah, i was definitely interested since that is all astrophysics and stuff. the food at Mac is pretty damn good, and it's cheap too (well... of course. lol). then we headed home. i slept on the way there, but when i woke up, we were pulled up in front of party packagers lololol. so yeah, dino and i just bought shit for our costumes. then after that, we went to swiss chalet and then carol's... yeah yeah y'all know of that. on our way home, dino scared the shit out of some grade 10s, but i think i told most of you that.

and here i am, sitting in front of my computer on a sunday night, ready to go to sleep. today was nice. woke up a little too late, rushed to get ready for choir, then picked up erros and went to choir. following that, had some lunch at erin mills (i will reward a cookie to anyone who can guess what i ate) with erros dino ysobel murray renee and aj. basically, if you don't know those people............. erros and i hung out with university kids today! LOLOLOL. dino decided to treat me and erros (and himself) to some laura secord. nomz. after mills, we went to wal-mart at south common and helped our good friend ysobel with purchasing a television for her aunt. we were ridiculing the place for its new groceries section. then we left, dropped off erros, and i loafted here at home. i worked out for the first time in like a month.

feels good man.

hunter

the rivals of my wits; the voices of mockery.
discouragement, motivation.

haystack

“With Heysátan my idea of it after we wrote it, was that there was an old man looking over his field, a big view over the sea or something, and he is dying. He is going to die. He is just lying on the grass, and he is going to die, but that is fine because he has had a good life. He is quite happy dying, actually. And that is what the song is to me. It’s kind of that emotion.”

13 angels standing guard 'round your bed

do not indulge, do not wallow, do not bask in victory. this is only a gateway to one's downfall.

wake up

i had a great day today.

when i woke up, i did some homework. i have so much fucking homework this weekend. it's fucking ridiculous. i guess it's just the product of my terrible procrastination this past week. i have: ~30 pages of a book to read, an english session to write up, a physics lab to finish start... ehhh fuck the complaining. so i went out with the family to baskin robbin's 31 to get some ice cream. got me some lemon cranberry cheesecake or something. mmmmm. after that, we were still kinda hungry so we drove to some next korean restaurant. it was alright. ate some chewy noodles and bulgogi. then we drove to sherway gardens to find somewhere to eat. nothing really interested us. so we decided to drive downtown to grab some shawarmas. i actually didn't get a shawarma, but dino did. i ordered a steak and cheese sub, but it wasn't really steak. it was the meat that they use in gyros lol. so it just satisfactory. but whatever -- when you're hungry, you're hungry.

then the university of toronto open house was ending, so we went there. we actually went to the library (which is unfathomably massive) and walked around after the open house ended. there were so many people in the library. and to think that i would be sitting in one of their seats, a year from now. then we were left outside. after that, we went on the engineering tour, which was kinda cool although i'm not really considering studying engineering. they showed us a civil engineering lab, a chemical engineering lab, and a "scanning electron microscope", with which you could see the seriously serious details of a fly's eye. it's cool because when they zoom in at like 999999999999x, you can see that the microscope actually breaks apart parts of the fly's compound eye because of the power of the microscope. and then in the chem engineering lab, there was this frickin' cool experiment that they did, where they put sand in a box and then put some pressured air below the sand and then the sand looked and felt like bubbling/waving water. in the civil engineering lab, they have huge ass motherfucking machines. this one experimental machine can apply a force that's roughly equivalent to having 100 cars crushing you. after that, i checked out the program booths at the faculty of arts & science, which is what i'm planning to go into. physics and chemistry are my main interests, so i checked out those booths, but there were also some other cool programs like pharmacology&toxicology and psychology. which are two programs that i have also considered taking up. during my visit to the booths, i ran into a good ol' friend who i haven't seen in a while. it was good to see him. then i caught a glimpse of agsalog's dad.... lol. so after that, we caught the chemical engineering presentation at the MacLeod auditorium. i guess it was somewhat interesting, but yeah, engineering really won't be my field of practice. i found it funny how open house volunteers approached and talked to not only me, but dino as well. what a cool guy.

so before open house started, we had to go home because dino wasn't able to scan something that he needed to for school. following that, i bowled in my weekly saturday league. i guess i really suck compared to last year... but i'll hopefully improve.

then i went to sleep.

then i realized that i use(d) the word "then" too much here.

iii

like arranging clocks, i don't know how to organize my time.

ololololololololololol

it is good that we never met

i wake.
and around me are
my regrets, successes,
my triumphs, sorrows.
in a flash is my living.
in letters, in images,
sprawled across the walls.

but now
the walls are blank,
painted a blinding white.
the memories,
erased and ripped
all along the floor.

pick up the paintbrush,
draw your life anew.

ocean of noise

say what you mean,
mean what you say.
zero empathy resulting in zero maturity.

what the fuck.

_________________________________________________

losing credibility by the second.

nature of the threat

On November 25th, 1491
Santiago defeats the last Muslim stronghold, Grenada
King Ferdinand gave thanks to God for victory
And the Pope of Rome and declared this date to forever be
A day of "Thanksgiving" for all European Christians

... Now listen, when you celebrate "Thanksgiving"
What you are actually celebratin'
is the proclamation of the Pope of Rome
Who later, in league with Queen Isabella
sent Cardinal Ximenos to Spain
to murder any blacks that resisted Christianity
These Moors, these black men and women
were from Baghdad, Turkey
And today, you eat the turkey, for your "Thanksgiving" day
as the European Powers destroyed the Turkeys
Who were the forefathers of your mothers and fathers
Now fight the power, you bitch-ass niggaz!

carved heart

my haiku practice
although not about nature
i hope you enjoyed

another reflection

grow(ing) the fuck up.

heima

i don't even blog about my life anymore.

i don't have a life anymore.

thanks a lot, school.

saturday was a wreck. for the morning at least. fucking bowling (lololol). practice makes perfect, right? well, i am the most inconsistent bowler in the world. not that you give a shit. but ya know... i guess inconsistency (in bowling...) is a product of the lack of practice.


well enough of my bitchassness...

the rest of saturday was kinda chill, i didn't really do much except watch bits and pieces of movies.

another chill day following saturday. woke up, got ready, picked robert and erros up, went to choir really late. chilled at erin mills for a bit, ate some thai express (NOMZ). you know, i'm starting to have a fetishascination (o.o) with thai food. goddamn. the basil flavour in the fried rice, the sweet taste of pad thai... well that's all i've really tried, lol. but yeah, great shit. went home after the mall, then basically loafted until this moment at which i am typing text on to a screen through a keyboard, in order to convey my emotions and thoughts. i watched Heima, a documentary revolving around the band Sigur Rós and their unannounced tour in their home country, Iceland (hence the name, which is Icelandic for "at home"), following a world tour. some outstanding visuals, but i don't know if any person who doesn't listen to this band will enjoy the film.

now i am going to continue with my physics lab, and i might study for my functions test.

... func that

Dino says (9:51 PM):
i got bored during my 2h break today so i rode the bus to the carpool lot and back

fallen leaf; a mark of autumn
float with the breeze, sink to the bottom
drifting away from the summer sound
facing the freeze of the frigid winter ground.

..... am i not the sickest poet of all time?

on earth as it is...

because the lord giveth, and the lord taketh away

something less than intended

that's all he had to say, and it changed everything.

epilogue

"

in a nightmare, i am falling from the ceiling into bed beside you.
you're asleep, i'm screaming, shoving you to try to wake you up.
and like before, you've got no interest in the life you live when you're awake.
your dreams still follow storylines, like fictions you would make.

so i lie down against your back, until we're both back in the hospital.
but now it's not a cancer ward, we're sleeping in the morgue.
men and women in blue and white, they are singing all around you, with heavy shovels holding earth.
you're being buried to your neck.
in that hospital bed, being buried quite alive now.
i'm trying to dig you out but all you want is to be buried there together.

you're screaming,
and cursing,
and angry,
and hurting me,
and then smiling,
and crying,
and apologizing.

i've woken up, i'm in our bed, but there's no breathing body there beside me.
someone must have taken you while i was stuck asleep.
but i know better as my eyes adjust.
you've been gone for quite a while now.
i don't work there in the hospital (they had to let me go.)

when i try to move my arms sometimes, they're way too much to lift.
i think you buried me awake (my one and only parting gift.)
but you would turn to me at night, just when i think i may have fallen asleep
your face is up against mine, and i'm too terrified to speak.

you're screaming
and cursing
and angry
and hurting me,
and then smiling
and crying
and apologizing.

"

control and abuse

i took a half-hour break from my english homework to worry about my future and possibly universities i could apply to. then i fell into a dilemma between taking up pharmacy or mathematical/physical sciences. this led to me worrying about my grade 12 schedule, and if i should drop biology to get a spare. but that would be risky because if i ever did decide to take up pharmacy, i would need that bio back. but quite frankly, i'm way more interested in mathematics and physics.

then i realized that english is the most important course. so here i am doing my english homework.

a foggy day

if only we could appreciate,
if only we could respect.

veil of perception

man, reading is so fucking cool. i've gotten through a whopping total of three books this summer: the Perks of Being a Wallflower, The Diagnosis, and Lord of the Flies. all are interesting reads, and i'd certainly recommend them. currently reading Chuck Palahniuk's Choke... this shit is really fucked up but it's great so far. hoping to finish it before school starts. then i will read Fight Club (by the same author).

haiti

i miss the pier.

the steady rocking. the cool breeze. what it feels like to catch a fish. you cast out your line, waiting for a slight tug. with the slightest nibble follows the soaring excitement. pride, dominance, power.

and this is what ruins a human.

... lolwut

first snow

may the grasp of your intention be the blade that disembowels me...

with rainy eyes

upon the descent of night, amongst the humid cloud of air, lie the remains of one ungrateful. one bearing a cold and lifeless heart. dissolving into the atmosphere, by its rivals.

spiralling out of the world

i'm going to virginia.

bye

the meadow where i am dead

i have not talked to this kid in a year. he changed a hell lot.

i think.

bluish

hello there.

it appears that i have not written here in a lengthy period of time.

do you really care?

summer's been quite alright, july might not have been as productive as i wanted it to be (............ g1 .............) but at least i kept myself busy with something. working out. and... runescape OLOLOLOL but i don't think i'll be playing that anymore. stupid fucking game.

if you don't give a shit about my july vacation, skip the whole part within the lines here.
________________________________________________________

we were in illinois/wisconsin for about a week. yes that's right, we stayed right at the border between the aforementioned states for seven days. one foot planted solid into the grounds of wisconsin, and one foot planted solid into the grounds of illinois. it was kinda boring.

on the friday of conference... before conference, on the drive there, we stopped by in Michigan City, Indiana (lol) at some shitty outlet mall with a lighthouse theme. it was so terrible, all the stores are like a mile apart lol. and the mall was built right next to a nuclear reactor. we didn't buy anything.

conference was quite alright, but sadly, during the whole conference, i could not wait to see my cousins on the sunday. it is rather humorous because a lot of YFCs were stoked for the "Chicago" conference, but the conference was actually held in Urbana, Illinois, a city located 2-3hrs south of chicago. funny... but simultaneously disappointing. my cousins live about 45 minutes north of chicago (in a town called gurnee), so after conference, we headed straight for gurnee. when we showed up at their house, nobody was inside... so we waited around for about 5 minutes, and then our cousins pulled up into the driveway.... with more cousins-- one from california and 2 from virginia. yeah man. we didn't really know what to do that night, so we went bowling. when we got home, my cousins and i drank a bit... lol... courtesy of one of my oldest cousins, who's a party girl.

monday morning, we headed north to Wisconsin Dells, which is a city/town in, you guessed it, Wisconsin, full of water parks and tourist attractions. that's because it's situated around the Wisconsin River, where there's some nice scenery.... although it's not the greatest thing i've ever seen in my life. oh yeah, just throwin' it out there... my cousins live like 10-15 minutes from the illinois/wisconsin border. yeah. but it still takes around three hours to get to wisconsin dells. we had a couple of stop-overs, one of them in which i tried a free iced espresso thing from mcdonalds.... brutal as fuck, lol. so yeah, my aunt and uncle booked off 2 nights at some cool mexican-themed resort in wisconsin dells called Chula Vista (go figure). it has an indoor and outdoor waterpark, golf course, and a really fucking expensive restaurant where the entrees cost $50+. the rooms that we got were really cool. if you're curious... they looked a bit like this. on this night, we spent time mostly in the indoor waterpark. tons of waterslides and stuff.

tuesday: we spent most of our time in downtown wisconsin dells--walking around, taking some tour around and on the river. and... well... that was it. that was tuesday. wait... there's a story i could share about tuesday night. some of you may have heard it. if i told you, maybe you don't really care... um, yeah... well... that was tuesday.

wednesday morning, we had to check out. spent a bit of time in the outdoor (lol) waterpark, where the water was cold as fuck. so we headed straight for the indoor waterpark and spent more time there. then we headed back to gurnee, which took up the majority of our afternoon. when we got back, our cousins decided to take us to some outlet mall which is located shortly north of the illinois/wisconsin border. it was alright, and it had the same stores that a lot of outlet malls in the states have. dino bought some nice-as-hell $60 jeans (rich bwoi). i tried on skinny jeans............ lol. um yeah. so we headed back home. my aunt made some delicious fajitas. the beef was kinda oily, but... you probably don't give a fuck. they were good, lol. thennn we played some board games and had a bit to drink, courtesy of my aunt and uncle.

thursday... six flags! my cousins literally live less than 5 minutes away from the entrance to teh park. hell yeah. it was definitely a ton of fun, although it did rain for like 2 hrs. and then there was this really loud thunder that felt like it was right next to us. my cousins and brother burned ~$100 on the 3-pt shootout, which of course, is ridiculously difficult. we only brought home 3 mid-sized basketballs. we watched some performance with singers singing popular songs... and once this one douche started singing "i'm yours", i fell asleep. but without guilt... since i looked left and right and all my cousins were sleeping too, haha. dino and i rode all the rollercoasters that looked cool/that we wanted to, so we were quite happy. superman and V2 were definitely our favourites. on superman you ride on your belly, except this one downward loop where you're on your back at the bottom. on v2... you get launched pretty fast, lol. it's like a half-pipe. yeah.

friday was interesting. it's dino's birthday. the day before, my cousin called up his co-workers from the hospital and arranged to play basketball at the nearby community centre. speaking of "nearby", from where my cousins live, they are close to anything really. there's a mall 5 minutes away, six flags is really close, downtown chicago is reasonably close, wisconsin is just up north.... lol yeah. so anyways, we showed up at the court, and whaddya know, my cousin's co-workers are black. and they're all like 20 years old or older. so i got a serious beating on the court, haha. in the afternoon, we headed to the mall to get my cousin a caricature of him and his girlfriend. he paid $25 and asked for something "romantic"...... the drawing we got back involved tits and cash. the artist was some black guy. we took it back, asking for a more decent and actual "romantic" drawing. so we did get one, for free. from a different artist. in the evening, we all headed out to eat at The Cheesecake Factory to celebrate my brother's birthday. great shit there. although a slice of cheescake costs ~$6.50-$7.50. goddamn. oh well, it's good. afterwards, my uncle drove us (the boys) to the nearby grocery store to get us some alcohlol (and little did we know that he was stalling so that my parents and aunt and female cousins could set up a surprise back at the house). so when we got back home... yeah. my uncle was like "dino, go in first", so that kinda spoiled it lololol. had some fun that night, stayed up as late as we could (last night with the cousins), drank a bit more than the past times, played pictionary with our eyes closed, more board games, yeah.

saturday morning, we had to leave. :(. the drive home is so boring. lol. dino drove from central michigan to home, with me as his co-pilot. right before we crossed the border, we stopped by a Cracker Barrel restaurant to grab some dinner. it's a great eatery, known for it's old-aged customers. the food is ridiculously cheap ($9 for an 8oz steak with 3 vegetables of your choice).

________________________________________________________

now it's august (holy shit, there goes half of my summer), and maybe i'm still not as productive as i desired, but i'm definitely gonna try and cut down on the (useless, counter-productive) time spent at the computer. recently, i've been reading the driver's manual, perks of being a wallflower (lol, you'll get it back soon steph), working out, watching movies. this summer, i've seen: ong bak 2, the hangover, seven, taken, the dark knight (again... it's amazing), spirited away (again... it's even more amazing. i fucking love this movie so much), i love you man, and i plan to watch a lot more. i really need to get my hands (or eyes?) on those old-school classic films though, like Pulp Fiction and The Godfather. because according to critics online, well, i guess modern cinema isn't as good as how it used to be.

enough about movies, i think i also need to spend more time playing instruments. i've certainly lost a lot of passion for guitar :(, but i guess that's fine because i certainly do enjoy piano more than i do guitar. i connect with the piano so much better. that sounds gay. but yeah, all i do is listen to music, and for fuck's sakes, why don't i actually write some myself?

and yeah... i should really read a lot more. there's a ton of books that i want to read.

later in this month, our family will hopefully be heading to virginia for 5 days to see my grandparents. they are moving to california, and so, they will not live within a reasonable driving distance from where we live :(. within this trip, we'll probably visit my cousin who's going to be a freshman at V-Tech.

well.... enough about my life.

jabe's party is coming up, yay. i miss mike a lot, no homo. josh is going to las vegas apparently, even if he just got back from cali a week ago. i'm sure chey had the time of her life in both california and niagara falls. haven't seen magno in a while. wonderland? random visits from you guys are always appreciated... you guys are the best. maybe i'm the one who should go around to visit, lol.

it's fucking late, and i need to fix up my sleeping habits.







"some kind of magic in the way you talk about
your blue eye shadow.
it's exactly blue though.
i refuse to call it anything but your blue."

who is tyler durden?

chi-town, whaddddup

also virginia beach next month

meet me in the basement

getting ready for chicago. packing, cleaning, etc... >_>

the wolves (act I and II)

um...

wear a helmet.
don't race.
don't use a faulty bike.
don't try and brake hard on a faulty bike,
following racing speeds.

get better Daniel :S

ma fleur

there is a house built out of stone
wooden floors, walls, and window sills
tables and chairs worn by all of the dust

this is a place where i don't feel alone
this is a place where i feel at home

and i built a home for you, for me
until it disappeared from me, from you
and now it's time to leave and turn to dust

out in the garden where we planted the seeds
there is a tree as old as me
branches were sewn by the colour of green
ground had arose and passed it's knees

by the cracks of its skin, i climbed to the top
i climbed the tree to see the world

when the gust came around to blow me down
i held on as tightly as you held onto me
i held on as tightly as you held onto me

and i built a home for you, for me
until it disappeared from me, from you
and now it's time to leave and turn to dust...

sleep

they call coney island the playground of the world.
there was no place like it, in the whole world,
like coney island
when i was a youngster.
no place in the world like it,
it was so fabulous.
now it shrunk down to almost nothing.
you see,
i still remember in my mind
how things used to be.
and you know,
i feel very bad.
when people from all over the world came here,
it was a playground... they call it the playground of the world.
when i was very small, i even got lost in coney island.
but they found me
on the beach.
we used to sleep on the beach here,
sleep over night.
they don't do it anymore.
things change.
they don't sleep anymore on the beach.

in the flowers

if i could
just leave my body
for the night

all is ash or the light shining through it

sickest orthodontist and clinic ever, rofl. he's black. and he's cool. and there's high-tech & expensive shit all over the place.

sound the surrender

a torrential downpour of neverending karma to follow.
something is wrong.

no heroes

a reflection of shortcomings

backbone

i'm your enemy

thieves in the night

but... it all went by so fast.
goodbye, grade eleven.




... haaaay summer ;)

solo dancer

do i have the highest expectations people?

or did i just meet the biggest douchebag of life?

lol...

siete kilometros

the hell!?

last light

reclaiming the lost. slowly.

exit here

don't worry, i don't like him either.

reflection eternal

you're a flower,

you're a river,

you're a rainbow.

hymn to the idea of night

picking off the imperfections, one by one,
until there are none left.

color of jade

english cpt
english quote assignment
english essay next week
physics quiz tomorrow
physics lab
religion test tomorrow
religion debate
music test tomorrow

so much shit to do, aaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!

tip: don't get sick during CPT week.




p.s. .....

ow

lol



edit: fuck it, i'm not showing up at school tomorrow. haven't really gotten any better. and so, the above workload is rendered useless.

for now.

portrait of karma

ow

lol

the hollowed out chest of a dead horse

have you ever had those times in your life, where it's like you're sitting through hell? witnessing the worst? experiencing the worst?

i never thought i'd have to see it again... but it unfortunately happened.

we are all just hypocrites. wrong and faultful. life is bliss until that moment when you turn around and look back.

the million mocking eyes.

punk rock music should mean freedom... liking and accepting anything that you like, playing whatever you want, as sloppy as you want... as long as it’s good and has passion.

brilliant corners

千と千尋の神隠し Sen to Chihiro no kamikakushi...

spectacular movie

as far as you can throw me

in the midst of all this intellectual chaos...

let's blog!

so right now i'm caught up in all this work. i would like to blame mr. j. marentette for this unbearable load of writing, and less specifically, homework. you might think that procrastination is to blame for this pile-up... but not really, since mr. marentette spontaneously handed out like 79 assignments, scheduled an upcoming quiz, as well as Life of Pi questions.

and to think that shit gets worse towards exam time? T_T

on a brighter note, the weekend was quite spectacular. maybe not so much sunday, but friday and saturday were great. on friday, me mike jestine chey and dino reached dixie park (eastgate mall) and took out some incomprehensibly delectable ching chong food, then we went to go eat at josh's with erros. then i think i loaftplayedrestaurant cityfor a while. then i slept for the following long day.

woke up the next morning, kinda late. my parents dropped chewie off at our veterinarian's receptionist. then we headed off to st. catharines. got there at like 9, mossed around for a bit at the bowling alley, then bowled my first 3 games of the day (6 more to go). after those games, dino and i ate in the car for a bit, then we bowled another 3 games. after that set, we drove to niagara (not the falls) to go shopping, w00t. went to some outlet mall, and dino and i bought some jeans, hoodies, and shirts. blew off ~$150. prior to shopping, my mother dearest lended $100 each to me and dino, and we were like "lol k this is going straight to our bank accounts..." but we kid, we kid. so after the purchases, we fell hungry for japanese cuisine. we drove a little further down Lundy's Lane and ended up at niagara falls, trying to find this one japanese restaurant, given misleading directions by mrs. GPS. we gave up because we couldn't find it. so one of us recalled seeing this other restaurant somewhere back there...

*separate paragraph* IHOP. holy fucking shit fuck shit that is one of the fucking greatest restaurants to ever exist. fuck. shit. although i was slightly disappointed by my order of "french toast" (which tasted exactly like a Tim Horton's fritter), they have some of the most fucking scrumptious nourishment. dino and i shared 4 stacked strawberry-banana pancakes (strawberries & strawberry sauce on top, slices of banana cooked in between the pancakes). fuck me. it was amazing. my mom had spinach crepes, my dad had straight-up pancakes. damn. thank god for an IHOP in canada. international house of mo'fuckin' pancakes mayne.

after that we went back to st. cats to bowl our last 3 games, which turned out to be very boring. i developed a headache some time during that.

bowling is not an olympic sport because you do not need to be athletically fit to bowl.

left for home at around 10, then arrived at our animal caretaker to get chewie at around 10:45. goddamn, she's pro with pets. she has 13 puppies, but we only saw 5 of them. they were tiny, it was amazing. uhhhhhhhh then we headed home and hit the haaaaaaaaaaay.

mother's day wasn't much, i just played geeeetar in the church choir and then went home and did homework. my parents went out to some show with filipino singers. when they got back, dino, my dad and i presented our cards to mommy (it's our tradition).



anyways, that was a nice mild stress reliever. too bad you probably won't get this far because of the excruciating length.

back to the madness.



dare to dream

in love with an apparition

in his nightmare
black rain fell
and clogged their first kiss
now suffocating
she dies in his arms
now their love is a floating ghost
as she turns into ashes
and the wind ssend her crumbling
into the setting sun...
her love was a vampire



(no Twilight intended)

pursue

it is the weeks before
and my heart is heavy; overburdened with doubt

it is now
and i am almost at realization.

________________________________________________________



Camp Pursue -- a grandiose success!

as Josh once mentioned, a certainly enriching experience indeed.



i was almost driven to tears as i miss all of them. reminiscing of all the clothed homosexual practices, funny events. the enlightenings, spiritual connections, spiritual growth. the friendships made, the friendships expanded. the neverending happiness.

but i was also almost driven to tears when i missed YOU GUYS D:<

condemned to nothingness

i remember that one time when my legs were paralyzed.
i ran for hours on end the previous day, my mind free from any of its surroundings.
and i also bled. a lot. a white shirt turned red, like submerging it into wine.
with crawling as the only means of travel,
i collapse desperately.

true story ololololol!
__________________________________________________________

i've been reading Life of Pi a bit recently, and i predict it to be one of the stepping stones for my, um, self-proclaimed "religious journey" or "religious pondering". now this doesn't necessarily mean that you'll find me at the end of life's road as a priest; rather, i've been inquiring many questions about (my) faith (such great timing, isn't it? with camp coming up soon...).

i have a load of shit to worry about in the upcoming days. music ministry band practices, a ton of physics studying, lunar lander-assembling, piano practicing. that's a lot man. i hope i can get through this week and have a successful weekend.

speaking of physics, goddamn, i think i wasted ~1hr last night "reading" about cosmology, theoretical physics, and quantum mechanics that i barely understand but found to be very very very very interesting. it was like reading an incomprehensible language, but i was so immersed in its intellectual beauty. such scientifical topics pose some serious cerebellum-tingling questions. it's amazing. have i blogged about this before? i'm pretty sure i have. lol.

?

wow i can barely even fucking talk to you, so just continue to treat me like your fucking peasant.






cheesin' me

interrupting cow

LMAO

snow

Main Entry:

¹snow

Pronunciation:

\ˈsnō\

Function:

noun

Usage:

often attributive

Etymology:

Middle English, from Old English snāw; akin to Old High German snēo snow, Latin niv-, nix, Greek nipha (accusative)

Date:

before 12th century

1 a: precipitation in the form of small white ice crystals formed directly from the water vapor of the air at a temperature of less than 32°F (0°C) b (1): a descent or shower of snow crystals (2): a mass of fallen snow crystals
2: something resembling snow: as a: a dessert made of stiffly beaten whites of eggs, sugar, and fruit pulp snow> b: a usually white crystalline substance that condenses from a fluid phase as snow does snow> c slang (1): cocaine (2): heroin d: small transient light or dark spots on a television screen

— snow·less \-ləs\ adjective

________________________________________________________




WHYYYYYY?????

men gnawed their tongues in agony

yo i like this semester a lot.

it's got physics, which, while not at this current stage, will eventually tie into cosmology. cosmology is sick. and cosmology also has ties with philosophy. sickest things ever. speaking of philosophy, i was reading up about that "if a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound" business. i love that kind of philosophical thought. you may say that it makes a sound, but who is there to prove it? etc etc. and in a more general sense, "can something exist without being perceived?" what a sick question. that one makes me think a lot. not gonna elaborate much on that since my views/opinions are still primitive, full of flaws. lol

there's also world religions, and none of that one-sided christian education bullshit. i feel that my mind is now so much more open-minded, thanks to this grade 11 course. the grade 9 and 10 religion courses (i think "christian" courses is a more fitting name) were probably the most boring courses in my high school history.

mr. marentette isn't the slightest bit interesting, but the english language sure is. the language, not the course. free writing is something i like to do, although i wouldn't do it every day. practicing writing creativity is fun.

music.... ololololol

it's kinda like a puzzle. with a million pieces. i have all of the pieces, but i just need to know how to put them together. it'll take a while, but the end result will definitely be rewarding. now where do i start...

here is a title just for the sake of making it easier for you to get to this entry when it shows up in your updated blogs list

but i really do not think that this title will show up in your updated blogs list because i added this title after i had posted this entry which initially had no title and so therefore this title is completely superfluous and negligible as you did not click it to get to this entry in the first place and instead you clicked on "Tired Mind" in your updated blogs list which took you to this page and now you are reading some random bullshit that kevin felt like writing because it made him feel clever that he involved the entry title with the entry also connecting with the usage of blogger by other users which is totally irrelevant to the following picture which is a graphical representation of kevins personality traits which was developed by mypersonality.info which is a website where people can take personality tests to find out more about themselves which is stupid because people should know who they are in the first place and they should not use an internet personality test website to find out who they are oh and also i used this font because i am so smart and it looks like this is part of the title but it is not because if you try and type a title that is as long as this then blogger will not accept it and cut it off as you are typing because there is a limit on characters in a blog title and plus you probably have figured out that this portion of this blog entry or should i say title is not actually part of the title because you have probably ran your mouse cursor over this section and the font did not turn another colour as a link would okay and i just realized that typing like this is similar to christopher boones thinking from the curious incident of the dog in the night-time by mark haddon because he frequently switches topics between the book story and thoughts in his head and i think that this is pretty cool because it gives the reader an insight to what happens in chris' smart-ass head as he tries to find out who killed wellington and just so you know wellington is mrs shears' dog but you don't know who she is so read the book but its stupid because you find out the answer two-thirds way through the book but i guess thats okay because that means theres more to happen and what the hell can i expect okay so if you read all of this run-on bullshit then i salute you because i just wasted a good amount of your time which could have been devoted to more important things like a physics lab which is what i should really really really be doing right now but i have decided not to because i thought that i needed a break but i really dont im just a really lazy person and felt like writing random thoughts down like this so um i just checked out what this blog entry or should i say title looks like and i was reading it and halfway through my eyes started to hurt because of this gleaming white font so i guess this is karma or something because i tried to waste your time but now my eyes hurt from reading this ridiculously long blog entry or should i say title yeah so i think i should stop here and as you can see punctuation is pretty important and it appears that i forgot to add in a couple of punctuation marks so here are some punctuation marks to compensate for my deliberate mistakes ......,,,,,,,,,'''''''""""""",..,'.,';,'";,'":';,';";,,;';..;'.;'..:.:...';,';,';, oh and i hope you get around to reading this because i know that other new blog entries will appear over this blog entry in your updated blogs list and is it even called an updated blogs list i don't know but you should know what i am talking about ....,;';';,...',,,;,',,'"",;,.',;"';,.;,'',',;,.;',;.',;';,'.;',;'',',.;,. oh so it appears that the updated blogs list does in fact update a blog entry even after it has been edited following its original post time but that doesnt sound like it makes much sense

pigeon

you gave your statement of departure
and it was like i couldn't see you through my aperture
reachin, stretchin the ends of my hands, my fingertips
"return to me now," but i slip
pound into the ground, face first face down, drownin
in your absence
drink it away with absinthe
you've been a friend since our eyes witnessed
each other's, we put our best in this
it was in my best interest that i was invovled in your business
i insist that you leave like this
just spend the last minutes
i feared that you disappeared into the near future, were you sure?
of making this decision
slicing incisions in your life time
hope to see you soon times
to shoot lines and
talk lives, 'til the fine sand
of the hourglass
dropped to our last
moment
stay close and
don't keep the foes in
keep hittin' the tens
cuz i'll never see you again

flood II

yo so wtf is a blog. i don't even write shit here anymore. olololol

last week was pretty damn stressful. i had the motor project to worry about the most, as well as a ton of useless english questions that i had to do for marks, and piano homework which is really time-consuming and relatively tedious. after wednesday it was just a breeze though, since we just watched movies in religion and didn't do much in other classes.

friday was fun and was a great way to start the march break. chilled with josh t, mike, jestine, and dino for the night at BR (:D), toys 'r' us, square one (walters, wal-mart, etc), and subway. came home late, parents were probably pissed, but they were sleeping so w/e.

saturday was interesting. woke up, was instantly told to do some fuckin' chores, then got ready for bowling. which was gay. which was a drag. it started at 12 and ended at around 5, lol. yeah. then we went to eastgate mall or w/e (our family calls it dixie park) and had dinner there. after that, we dropped our parents off at some restaurant for dinner with family friends, then dino and i drove to church (~20 minutes late ololololol) and sang in the choir. then drove around and loafted for the rest of the night. dino and i watched The F Word (one of chef Gordon Ramsay's show) and it is fuckin hilarious, and greatly entertaining. the food looks absolutely fantastic, leaving you hungry, and the dialogue (hence the show title) is outrageously funny.

today (yesterday?) was a loaft. slept til 2, woke up to dino fixing us breakfast. chocolate chip pancakes w/ cheese omelette. mmmmmm. walked chewie with dino at like 4:30, then did nothing til 7, which is when we ate out.

mhm so it's march break, and there are a couple of things i need to accomplish, such as: get my g1, write some music, do my piano homework, physics lab, finish learning this piano song, take care of chewie, work out?, sleep, etc. sure looks like a lot to do, for a chill-expected week.

goddamn i am tired.

the dark side of the moon

that's all.

it can mean a lot of things.

but... i guess Pink Floyd is damn awesome.

stella

sometimes, i wish i could just write music forever.

i wrote this today, and couldn't stop listening to it.

the daughters of quiet minds

just some fun writing. um... don't mind the content. in fact, don't even read this. lawl.

no i am not currently depressed, no i am not currently emotional, and anything of the like.

__________________________________________________________

the bell rings, we dash out of the class.

take a walk through the halls,
and the first person you see

is scorned
by his parents, daily.

this is the faceless, ignored, unnoticed.

talk a walk through the halls,
and the girl behind you,
yelling loudly and joyfully,

faces suicidal thoughts
immediately following school.

this is the faceless, ignored, unnoticed.

step carefully down the stairs,
and the being at the end of the case,

is dying for that
heroin needle.

this is the faceless, ignored, unnoticed.

bump into him,
and with a look of
discontent,

is about to have
his bones shattered.

rush to your locker,
and the individual adjacent

earns money by
selling themself.

this is the faceless, ignored, unnoticed.

stroll home,
and the person you passed by
at the corner,

is headed to
next stop,
coma station.

deceiving, but oblivious to the unknown situations,

this is the faceless, ignored, unnoticed.

victims of wrong, but this is their life.

_________________________________________________________

... okay now, honestly, what the fuck was that? told you not to read it. jajajajajaja

fault and fracture

woke up, mom told me not to be late, got up, took a shower, ate breakfast, brushed my teeth, and wasn't too late for 11:00 mass (ololololololololololololololololololol dino if you're reading this, then olololololololololololololololololololololol. LMAO that was fuckin hilarious but we are such assholes).

after church, our family headed over to BR for some fantastic lunch. it was funny though, and i quote myself, "i walked in and LOLOLOLd because of the massive influx of teenage asian girls". regardless, AMAZING bubble tea and pretty good lunch too. for extremely reasonable prices. (Y). oh i think they like me; azns stared me down.

afterwards, we dropped by home quickly to get the $$$, then we went on a one-hour venture to Brantford, Ontario (the hometown of Lil' Wayne Gretzky [if any of you care, because i certainly don't]). it was certainly a beautiful day; walking clouds and deep red skies, flags fluttering and the sun shining. we travelled furthermore to a quiet, rural-esque neighbourhood upon arrival into the town. at the doorstep of this one house, we had seen clients inside.

and then we heard a loud shriek.

panic, terror, and fear had rushed through our hearts and minds. how unexpected, we had all thought. a short glance at the house window, and a streak of blood had splattered across. the anxiety, the trepidation had built up inside of us, giving us a sense of directionlessness. the mental walls were caving in on us. nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. death is imminent. the murderer stepped outside of the house, giving each one of us a death-like stare. and she held the axe, with a steady firmness. she had come towards us, while we could do nothing, standing there, cold and still. the killer had slowly and shakily taken off her mask, revealing a sanguine, gruesome face. blood dripping everywhere, she inquired...

"so you were looking to buy the yorkie-poos?"

and grinned.
i just tricked you into thinking she sinned,
so i winned.
my raps blow you away like gone with the wind
went inside, saw the animal, we all melted.
and so, our hearts we smelted
back together, love forever.

we drove home with the cutest 8-week old yorkie-poo ever, Chewie.

________________________________________________________

you're all invited to come over tomorrow. Chewie party lol. oh yeah, just in case you don't know how to get to my house, this is the right way to get there. regardless of where you live. i don't give a fuck.

dash and blast

today was spent rather unconventionally for valentine's day.

the majority of the day was spent with males... well... brotherly love, right? >_>. stepped out of the house at like 4:00 today to head over to mike's, then mike, josh, josh, chey and i stayed Tim's for a bit, until chey went to work. we bothered her and such.... um, yeah. travelled back to mike's, then josh t's popeye's craving reappeared. and thus... we felt the urge to satisfy his needs. as well as ours. lol. so we called up jabe and asked if he wanted to come, but he said that he couldn't. i called dino up so he could give us a ride there, but i unfortunately woke him up out of his slumber.

so the ride to popeyes was... well... risky. there were jakes all over the place, and if you don't know what that means, please listen to the four-minute dictionary piece entitled "Ebonics" by Big L. dino was driving really slowly, lazily, and almost as if he was in a drunk state, due to his absent-minded tiredness. his driving was unneven and arrhythmic, erratically braking and accelerating. with jakes present, we surprisingly got pulled over. yeah... "fuck" was all we could think of.

the..... cop (okay now you know what it means) approached our vehicle, with a stern look on his face. we all sat there, cold and breathless, staring at our feet. dino lowered his window and said, "good evening officer". at that moment, i realized that the narcotics were blatantly visible on my lap, so i was quick to act and stashed the opiates under the seat. i thought for a second that i got away with it, but as stupid as i was, it created a sonic boom, audible to the police officer. he spoke to me, asking what it was that i hid. i was terrified and speechless, and said what came to mind at first. "nothing sir, just a friend."

the grimace on his face had disappeared, only for me to realize that a puzzling look had been brought upon his face. he asked all of us to step outside of the car, and so, we proceeded to follow his instruction. the moment when i placed one foot outside of the car, i felt a hard tug at my trailing foot. i turned around, with my fear increasing exponentially. i glanced at my foot. a hand had gripped onto it. i could not say anything. in ten seconds, the being had revealed itself. it was an odd looking figure -- short in stature and had a relatively large build. but then i had noticed, it was not any miscellaneous creature.

it was Jabe.

then we all got back in the car and went to popeyes.

BUZZKILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

after that we went to jabe's crib (whose dad was surprisingly welcoming despite us perceiving that he would be cheesed nigga) to watch some NBA skills challenge for like 3 hrs. quite fun.

________________________________________________________

yeah, so the concert held at merciful redeemer was pretty cool. it was four professional broadway singers singing broadway professional songs that i did not know of. in spite of this, i really enjoyed the performance. it's amazing how talented some people can get. word is bond. gotta appreciate.

after the show, my parents were having a short chat with the organizer of the event. who kinda pissed me off because of her disgusting stereotypes of teenagers. fuck. i don't remember exactly what she said, but it went something along the lines of "oh i hope you enjoyed that, i hope you open up to the world and appreciate real talents, and not be so immersed in your iPods... my teen son listens to music that hurts my ears. he would never watch these kinds of concerts." wait, maybe that's not so much a stereotype. although i can safely say that i enjoy music that will destroy anyone's ears on every level imaginable... what the fuck. not every teen is like that. did you know i have a talent for music, and appreciate a hell lot of shit? lol... okay whatever, i don't wanna go too in-depth about this.

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well i've got some sleep to catch up on. church tomorrow, followed by BR (:D), and then we pay a visit to a dog breeder. this is the dog we will be looking at (... buying... hopefully...).


happy valentine's day! and not just to Stephanie, but to all of you. i love y'all dearly.

(8) just the way you are...

false dawn

i still want a fucking yorkie.

i'm stuck in marentette's. damn.

4 a.m.

walked around my good intentions
and found out there were none
i blame my father for the wasted years
we hardly talked
never thought i would forget this hate
and a phone call made me realize i'm wrong

and if i don't make it, know that
i loved you all along
just like sunny days that
we ignored because
we're all dumb and jaded
and i hope to God i figure out what's wrong

walked around my room not thinking
sinking in this box
blame myself for being too much like
somebody else
i never thought i would just bend this way
then a phone call made me realize i'm wrong

and if i don't make it, know that
i loved you all along
just like sunny days that
we ignored because
we're all dumb and jaded
and i hope to God i figure out what's wrong

and if i don't make it, know that
i loved you all along
just like sunny days that
we ignored because
we're all dumb and jaded
and i hope to God i figure out what's wrong

- Our Lady Peace, "4 A.M."

the sun's gone dim and the sky's turned black

alright so what's gonna happen is, for the next few hours, i'm gonna leave this Create Post page open. and i'm gonna type out whatever comes to mind. why? i'm going to exercise my writing skills. gotta get that english mark up. so i'm gonna be blogging more frequently. or at least i'll try. gotta get comfortable with writing a lot.

so as you may know, i have decided not to switch my english and religion to second and third periods, respectively. Ms. Bilan is frickin' awesome, my religion class is small (small classes ftw), and i'm going to put up with mr. marentette's bullshit. gonna make the best out of the class (ie. make fun of him 24/7 lol). "what are the jonas brothers?" rofl

hm, it fucking sucks when you get home and then you find out that you were wrong. ruined my day, but whatever. i feel like shit right now. like, fuck, how far can you take stupidity? pretty disappointing. i'm not feeling extremely down though. when such happens, i even begin to think grisly and macabre thoughts. sometimes even suicidal, but i don't actually inflict self-harm. only thoughts.

piano recital was fucking shit on my behalf, mainly because that song i played is fucking gay. watching some amazing performers makes me realize that i need to sit my ass down at the piano and PLAY. fuck. i know it sounds kinda cocky, and i hate to say it, but being an even more amazing pianist is really within my grasp. i just have to commit to it. damn. i was at my lesson following the recital, and my teacher was showing me the most inspiring creativity that i could ever fathom. i immediately thought "fuck yeah, teach me that shit. that's what i want to get into." and behold, my future goal in extracurricular music.

speaking of commitment, i jumped back into p90x. not gonna elaborate much, it's just that i'm pretty happy i'm doing it. again.

wow fuck i really need to get better at piano.

so yeah school isn't so much of a drag anymore. i'm liking this semester a lot (...more than the previous?). physics is gonna be sorta tough, but it's really interesting. world religions is so much more fucking better than that one-sided catholic education shit. that sounds bad, yeah, but i guess that shows how much i really didn't enjoy grade 9 and 10 religion. it's day 4 and world religions has already opened my mind up to every other religion. speaking of which, i've even been pondering the questions regarding my own faith. it's terrible to even think of or mention, but i feel that my faith is slowly declining. ._.

in english class, i included in my I Am poem that "The human race is faulty." pessimist, really? hey, i have my reasons. let me begin by stating the disastrous and most gruesome, war. maybe not war specifically, but generally conflict. it's really stupid, since creating conflict can only lead to more and more of it. i guess we, the human race, have learned and adapted to a miraculous concept entitled "resolution", but really, is the trouble worth going through? sounds cliche, but, "why couldn't we all just get along?" ... lol gay. but i always think about this when war breaks out in other parts of the world. like shit, hundreds of thousands of millions of people have died in wars. useless, yeah?

i'm getting sick of mainstream music (save for some artists). thank goodness for the underground.

i'm just really not into it today. i will be alive, well, and running tomorrow. catch ya later.

so,

there's this thing

called a yorkshire terrier











AND I REALLY WANT ONE D:

hymn to freedom

and in the spring, 2003, he looked at me. and i knew, that he knew, who i was. and then he closed his eyes, as if to go to sleep.

benjamin button: amazing film. go see it.

guillotine (swordz)

POISONOUS PARAGRAPHS SMASH THA PHONOGRAPH IN HALF, IT BE THA INSPECTAH DECK FROM THA WARPATH

blankets of night

i'm calling it a night, but that doesn't mean i'm ready.
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aftermath: LOL that was soft

when one side of the mirror diverges from the other

i had a good weekend.

friday was fun. went to chey's after school, chilled, went to mike's, chilled, went out to the movies with jestine mike josh t and dino to watch Yes Man (which was quite good). lawl there were these white cracker jack fucks sitting behind us in the theatre. they were funny. following the film, we raided the deserted and void Sobeys on Dundas, late night. then we got Subway and ate at Tim Horton's. yeah.

on saturday i bowled well. better than i have these past couple of months. went to costco (lolol) after, then we went downtown to visit my dad's family friend, since she recently had a baby (who is pretty much the cutest thing ever. sorry steph. ............. j/k :D). after that, dino and i reached choir practice. fun times.

today. epic. played in choir for the 11:00 mass. dino had two extreme epic failures (he plays piano for the choir now). they were hilarious. then our family went out and ate some phở. mmmmmmm phở. loafted for most of the afternoon, and now here i am blogging and finishing up some biology. oh yeah i also selected my grade 12 courses today. they are as follows: english, music, philosophy, calculus, functions, bio, chem, and physics. this is only tentative though, since i want a spare and i want a social science course (families or society).

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well shit, that's just kinda weird. but i'm okay with it. i think. i just hope that you know.

sorry, but we don't hear you

i possess an ancient artifact of the institute. they look at me like i'm an alien.

you have terrible conversational skills.

i wish it wasn't mandatory, but it is.

you're getting annoying.

and you too.

but i don't think you know.

i am a pirate carrying material worth millions of dollars.

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so exams are upcoming, and quite frankly i am terrified. not because of all my subjects, but just biologay really. rofl. it sucks. i didn't really enjoy bio as much as i could, and on top of that my mark is gradually falling (although still tolerable). i wish biology wasn't required for pharmacy courses. and according to mr. kim, 4U bio is even harder and more demanding. crap.

but yeah, chem is going to be fairly easy (jajajaja serafini), math will be a breeze, and anthro.... um, LAWL

DJ Slice has returned. but that is not his artist name anymore. he is now identified as Square Tire. he's been beatsmithing since fall of 2008 and is quite satisfied with his progress. his influences and styles have vastly increased since his 2008 debut, "The Amazing Incredible Music Experience". idm, drum'n'bass, chillout, and complex electronic music in general have always been favourites of his, but he has since explored and looked into minimal techno, ambient techno, glitch, ambient, and dubstep. here's a sample of his work (off-the-hook dubstep beat).

endzeit elegy

i've had eczema for my whole life. yeah, you know. lol.

and sometimes it gets really bad.

sometimes i scratch myself uncontrollably.
sometimes i look in the mirror to view the work.
it's disastrous.
sometimes it gets so bad.

half of my carcass is swollen. it's okay though, since it's only hives.
but sometimes, it's even more than half.

gross, i know. but sometimes, i keep going at it.
sometimes with increasing force.
sometimes i dig through the surface.
gold? no.
sometimes i tear away at the carapace.
with these nails, developed for the execution.
sometimes i peer through the incisions.
what lies beneath?
sometimes i cut a little more thoroughly.
just to see what's inside.

it is exposed.

sometimes i fix it up.
sometimes i place the wires in their rightful spots.
although routinely, it all falls apart.

but sometimes, nothing is present. nothing is visible.
an empty void. complete nullity.

sometimes i tape it all up so nobody notices.
but sometimes i run out of tape.
sometimes i panic. everyone will see.

and so, the piercings are there. the openings. the lacerations. the marks. the wounds. they are dry, and they are lifeless.

not one drop of blood.

they remain for me to remember,

there is nothing.

gloomy sunday

sunday is gloomy, my hours are slumberless
dearest the shadows, i live with the numberless
little white flowers will never awaken you
not where the black coach of sorrow has taken you
angels have no thought of ever returning you
would they be angry, if i thought of joining you?

gloomy sunday, with shadows i spend it all
my heart and i have decided to end it all
soon there'll be candles, and prayers that are said, i know
let them not weep, let them know that i'm glad to go
death is no dream, for in death i'm caressin' you
with the last breath of my soul, i'll be blessin' you

untitled

Dear Israelis and Palestinians,


Stop.


Sincerely,
Kevin