fallen leaf; a mark of autumn
float with the breeze, sink to the bottom
drifting away from the summer sound
facing the freeze of the frigid winter ground.

..... am i not the sickest poet of all time?

on earth as it is...

because the lord giveth, and the lord taketh away

something less than intended

that's all he had to say, and it changed everything.

epilogue

"

in a nightmare, i am falling from the ceiling into bed beside you.
you're asleep, i'm screaming, shoving you to try to wake you up.
and like before, you've got no interest in the life you live when you're awake.
your dreams still follow storylines, like fictions you would make.

so i lie down against your back, until we're both back in the hospital.
but now it's not a cancer ward, we're sleeping in the morgue.
men and women in blue and white, they are singing all around you, with heavy shovels holding earth.
you're being buried to your neck.
in that hospital bed, being buried quite alive now.
i'm trying to dig you out but all you want is to be buried there together.

you're screaming,
and cursing,
and angry,
and hurting me,
and then smiling,
and crying,
and apologizing.

i've woken up, i'm in our bed, but there's no breathing body there beside me.
someone must have taken you while i was stuck asleep.
but i know better as my eyes adjust.
you've been gone for quite a while now.
i don't work there in the hospital (they had to let me go.)

when i try to move my arms sometimes, they're way too much to lift.
i think you buried me awake (my one and only parting gift.)
but you would turn to me at night, just when i think i may have fallen asleep
your face is up against mine, and i'm too terrified to speak.

you're screaming
and cursing
and angry
and hurting me,
and then smiling
and crying
and apologizing.

"

control and abuse

i took a half-hour break from my english homework to worry about my future and possibly universities i could apply to. then i fell into a dilemma between taking up pharmacy or mathematical/physical sciences. this led to me worrying about my grade 12 schedule, and if i should drop biology to get a spare. but that would be risky because if i ever did decide to take up pharmacy, i would need that bio back. but quite frankly, i'm way more interested in mathematics and physics.

then i realized that english is the most important course. so here i am doing my english homework.

a foggy day

if only we could appreciate,
if only we could respect.