and i'm holding back nothing for a look in your eyes.

this is happiness. this is bliss.

thank you <3

"love is when i see you smile"

memoria

i'm not ready to lie

the impossibility of argument

if there's one thing i can/should learn from these times, it's to stop complaining and shut the fuck up. live with what you have, even if it kills you.

also, whatever you want doesn't just come to you. you have to work to get it. duh.

well there goes my experiences. that's how i see it, up until this point. i'll find out the real reasons later...

"last"

and can you believe it, we've got one more week left of high school. well, one more week of being in class (although i guess you are in class during exams, lolol.... cope with me here). the place we all dread to go to in the morning (for the most part, i guess). but in this coming week, i'm sure that we'll all be put through that kind of realization where it's like "holy fuck, where the hell did the past 4 years go?", if we haven't already.

i've been slowly reminiscing of the whole high school experience, stuff like the education, teachers, social life, stress, extra-curriculars, yfc, family, etc.. and, hell, i guess i've been through a lot. but haven't we all? and i am very truly, dearly, and with utmost sincerity, going to miss it all. but i've been hearing that, even if you think high school was fucking awesome, wait 'til you get to university--"the best 4 years of your life". sadly, i think i'm one of those people who stay grounded in the past, in this case at least. i really do have a hard time thinking about leaving high school and starting off anew at mcmaster. everyone talks about their post-secondary futures, saying things along the lines of "i can't wait to move out", and "i just wanna get the hell out of high school", but i really don't find myself to be one of these people. high school really has been amazing, in all aspects. hate to say it, but i guess that i kinda fear the future. maybe just university.

yeah that was cheesy, but it's about to get worse.

it almost pains me to think about it, but... here we go.

in the next two weeks, we will have our "last":

monday tuesday wednesday thursday of being in high school classes
lunch
time we get to buy something from the caf
time we get to ask the teacher if we can go to the washroom, but really, we just want to walk around in the halls and see our friends in other classes
high school test
drop of ink to be ever spilled out on to a paper, for high school reasons
high school exam
time we get told to change into the correct uniform shoes
time we get told to get rid of the PEDs
time we use our... beloved lockers, lol
time we get to despise the niners
time we get to lol @ cafrica.... lol idk
of mr. mclevey's reflections (that gr. 12s get to see, anyway)
civvies day
note played out of our respective instruments (unless we decide to further pursue studies on the instrument)

i guess this list could go on, but eh, i'll stop here. i could also make a list of "wow it felt like yesterday when we were just:", but meh. you know how it is.

but you know, even with all these lasts, we're about to experience a whole new set of firsts.

let's finish high school with a fucking bang!

well god fucking damnit.

i just went through a realization. at the worst fucking time to ever have one. i feel like utter shit.

now this is, without a doubt, the worst feeling in the world.

hi. bye.

being unwanted. even though more than half of it is most likely paranoia... ain't that the worst feeling in the world?

this is so unjust, on my behalf, but...

i feel that my life has just been taken away. not literally, but at least that's how it feels. i'm being deprived of my friends, of whatever social life i had. and it feels like i can't be generous anymore.

oh yeah and my trust has been taken away too.

_______________________________________________________________

but fuck that.